letter to selfdear five year-old me,life isn't going to be easy for many, many years.there's something wrong with you, but you don't know it. your parents aren't going to love each other anymore and they'll fight for awhile before leaving. you aren't going to have many friends.honestly, no one is really going to care about you..dear thirteen year-old me,i know everyone makes fun of you, but that's okay.pretty soon there will be a boy, and he'll make you feel better than you have in years, and you'll have a few good friends. but then all of them will leave anyway. by the time you're sixteen, there'll be no one.. .dear sixteen year-old me,are you happy again? or is life still gray?i know that everyone's broken a promise to you, i know you're sad and i know you feel hopeless, but maybe soon things will change for you.please write back soon.. . .dear eighteen year-old me,i guess you moved out already. maybe you're in LA now.are you happy now? has your career taken off? or are you broke,
a lost love is irreplacablei wish you and i would fall in love againbecause i just don't get how people expect meto walk around with this gaping hole in my chestwhere my heart's been ripped out by its ragged rootslike some kind of unwanted, cancerousgrowth.[because it is. because i don't want it, and it's slowly killing me.]and if you think i can breathe much longerwell, honey, you're wrong, againbecause even though my lungs are inflatingthere is nothing to feed me oxygenand i am suffocating on your smile.[stitch up your lips so i can catch my breath.]oh but darling, i fucking miss youbut there are no butterflies in my stomachwhen i see you, only this scre
HurtHow is it possible to love someone so muchBut at the same time hate them just as much?Because hate is loveOr is love hate?Both.Well in that case, I never wanna love again!Love is a knifeIt cuts deeply into the heartThe scars remain there foreverTo taunt you and remind you of what once was thereAnd although the scares hold your heart togetherIt will never stop bleeding below the surfaceAnd eventually that blood will cause your heart to burstUntil your whole body is bleedingAnd there is nothing anyone can do to help youAnd you die a slow, extremely painful deathAnd you blame yourself until it doesnt matterAnd youd do anything to make it stopAnd the one who has caused your suffering takes no noticeThe more you bleed, the more he turns his backAnd its clear to everyone else that its his faultBut he remains blind and pretends to careAnd the more he fakes love, the more you hurt.He tears your heart everytime you see himAnd remains o
neverwhere.she told me, "i want you to smile when i cry.""but if you're sad, i'm sad.""crying isn't sad. it's beautiful.each tear is like a thought--a thought you can feel against your skin.they can be sad thoughts, or happy thoughts. but either way, they're beautiful."you were beautiful too, you know.with your skinned knees andpixie hair, and mouththat formed the syllablesof my universe.you'd make fun of me for my freckles,but i'd catch you tracing the spots with your eyeswhen you thought i was concentrating.(i was really only concentrating on you.)~"it's ours," you said. "all ours."and it was. it was yours, it was mine. it was everything.we made it ours, we sprinkled our souls acrossthose tree-tops, and lit the skies upwith our smiles.i painted flowers growing from the soil,you fabricated heartswith your every word.we wove that world with more than fingertips.~she was the girl who no one liked,i was the boy who didn't exist.the boy who had a secrethidden behind a mou
bad dreamsyesterday, i woke upand decided that i wanted you to just beanother sweet dreamthat had gone horribly wrong.so i re-imagined youwith mercury eyes that glinted with starlight andfrozen tears that you could never cryand nitroglycerin instead of bloodthat your rusting heart pumped through desintegrating veinsso that you would seem less real to me.but when i sat up and looked around,i could still smell you on my bedsheetsand your clothes still hung next to mine in the closetand your letters still sat on my desk,so with all the undeniable proof that you existed,how could i pretend that you were only my favorite nightmare?so i put my head back downand all of the tears that you could never crysoaked my pillow until i was drowning,drowning in the memory of you.